They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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