There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want her autograph on my taint
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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