I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
