Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
