If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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