The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
