yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
