Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
