At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
