where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
sex in a hospital.. check
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
