Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
