Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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