Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
