**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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