your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
