make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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