watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
