After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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