btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
