You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
