she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
