I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
