don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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