Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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