got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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