i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
