There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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