Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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