Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
