yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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