Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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