Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
