he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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