Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize