I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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