She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
