we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
