ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So here I am, sexting at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
