i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont even know how to be here
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
