turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
