At least make sure they are 18
Why
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize