The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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