she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
