Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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