just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
