i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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