I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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