69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize