she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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