I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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