So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
