If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
