Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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