And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
