I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
