Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
a search helicopter?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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