i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
