Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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