How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
