So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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