I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
