toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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