go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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