she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
