I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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