I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
