I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
