oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had sex bonerless
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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