I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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