I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i will never coherently bang her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize