I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize