I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
